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Take me as I Come or watch me as I Go

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Going bak. Life story. Get to know "Me"

Well I wanted to try to maybe recap a tad of my life into one post since I will be having more and more people join and now they can find the about my life post.  But errrrrrnt ffwd until yesterday from 1989 I had a ridiculous day of school work that turned out to be quite reassuring and very profitable as far as school work goes.  I wrote 2 papers revised 5 papers took two tests and did some other editing to things.  I got all A's on the papers and 1A on a test and 1 B! woahhhh that was about7 -9 hours of school work in one day. Yeah it was nutzo....

 Ok now back to 1989.  I was born on May 26th and well the first 7 years of my life were great from what pictures and faint memories I have.  I had 2 siblings a great dad and mom and a sweet twin house I was raised in.  We had a huge family that all of us always had parties and life was good.  Ffwd to about 1996-98.  This is when life changed ( like they say every 7 years)  I do not discuss this much because I have become a more "private" person with some aspects of my life but I feel getting it out makes me not have to feel so mysterious.  My mother and father spilt it was bad, awful and downright a big Lie in some aspects.  My mother became a full blown alcoholic and into some minor drug habbits.  She was a Registered Nurse making good money and excuse my french "pissed" it all away.  Yep I was 7-8 and I have some awful memories during 8-13ish.  She was drunk, driving drunk with me on occasion, burning food she tried to cook, and being lazy.  I had a great neighbor move in Deb who was and still is a big help, and part of my life.  My gmas both took care of us a lot while my dad worked 12 hour days to support us and then won custody of us at 12-13.  Events happened with my family like my brother having a bad car accident and my mother got brain surgery.  Then this was a good thing but also very hard for me since well my school got changed and we moved into an apt which in Emmaus is not "cool" while your in school since everyone is super rich.  Anywho my dad still worked his butt off and I was very involved in sports cuz I kick ass in atheletics and fitness in general, did good in school A-Cs but was more of a leader/black sheep in the sense that everyone either followed my trends or just was so intimidated of me.  I had a bit of a confrontational attitude and then later got involved in drinking and partying.  At 16 I was in a bad car accident and ended up in the hospital with my 6th or so bad head concussion.  Here is where my life really changed.  When I went back to school I felt alone, was all about getting out of high school and into the real world asap.  Was not into gossip, girls or anything else that stupid school included. I was 16 going on 22.  Everyone thought I was older and well it was true I was and still am very mature.  I always had pretty good looks I suppose and kept in good shape.  I was fun, unique, hardworking, multitalented and was not afraid to say what I thought about anything.  I hung out with the older people worked my butt off and then boom it was June 2007 I graduated and planned to move out west to get away from these people out here and start new and become even more independent.  I had planned to go to school to be an xray tech and decided to drop that college and just work and see what I really wanted in life.  I then was in Cali visiting, then seattle living for a couple months then well October of 07 was where my life really was taken to a different level.  I met someone, settled down, and pretty much started a family.  Things were great at first like always then not good, in fact they were horrible in some aspects, but ok in others.  I loved Portland Oregon and had my beautiful daughter Veona on January 26th 2009.  This was the day my life became the most rewarding.  The best most beautiful gift I was ever blessed with.  Veona made me want to be the strongest, most hardworking, and loving person I could be.  She made me thrive, want to go back to school to have our own life together, and do everything I could better than I ever imagined. Then ffwd to April 2009 I moved back to Pa with my family and settled (which took a bit to get happy to be home in PA and figure out how to plan my future)Things were different.  I was living with my father and well people were more grown up and many of my aunts and other family members were dying.  I decided that I needed to focus.  I have always had wide interests such as fishing, art, modeling, video games, learning,fitness, make up, clothing, cooking, etc but now I started to capitalize on some of them and let some others fade a bit since time is limited.  I now work with my daughter so much because I love to, I am back in college, am an artist of many aspects running my own small business, and a happy single mother to Veona 24/7.  I take pride in the fact that I do not have to be like other mothers and sigh and say "omg I cant wait until "so and so" goes to there fathers this weekend".  I have her all day everyday (besides class and 1 a month going with friends alone)  It honestly does not make me upset however sometimes I get a little confused for how the future will pan out.  Single yes single.  Many ask me if I'm married and I pause and say "No".  Have I considered wanting to "maybe" I often don't give others a chance and well am ok with doing "me" and taking care of my number one priority and joy Veona with out having to give some one else my attention and physically and mentally take care of them.  I honestly would give a guy an opportunity if he had a great job, good personality, good values and future goals and well I can go on and on. However life is just toooooo busy right now.  I got into college in Jan 2010 knowing I needed to get my degree for myself and Veonas future.  I then tossed and turned on what I wanted "to be" the number one question others ask and one asks themselves.  I went from a hotel restort manager, to a criminal justice major, to then BOOOOOM a funeral director which is what I am in school for now.  Not only do I get to do pathology things but also help others in need of help dealing with a loss of a love done.  Not soon after I got home my gma whom was my number one supporter was diagnosed with cancer.  It was almost a blessing in disguise that I came home to be with her and help my family. She had a rare muscular cancer that was stage 4.  I helped her with shopping, support and Veona brought her so much joy.  I saw her as much as I could and really let her know how much she means to be but how I do not want her to go.  It was too soon.  Ok sorry getting choked up.  1 1/2 years later in Jan 11 she passed.  Things now were verrrrrry different.  Noot only had a lost my gma but pretty much my mother to me.  I was scared, so sad, and downright confused.  I was worried what life would be like without her.  I am not going to lie my mother is not a big part of my life because of what she had done and well I have forgiven her when I was out west but realized to just accept what it is.  However, I do get upset seeing others with there mom shopping, or talking to there mom on the phone, or saying " my mom would love that" I just do not have that connection with her.  She sees things very differently and she just well does not get it.  Nothing.  Although, my dad is the best daddy ever!!1 Yes he may work a lot and be a hick as we say it buttt he is laid back, strong, cool, and pretty sarcastic on occasion.  He is the most giving person I have ever met and is not materialistic AT ALLLL.  So on to continue these last 6 months I have helped with my gmas home which we are purchasing, remodeling, and keeping beautiful and still "gmas house" as we call it.  In college which is sooo very hard currently and extremely busy with my Pure Sin business.  I have craft shows about 2-3 a month and daily makings, website updating and constant networking.  Things are coming together and more and more stores want my stuff there and people really know me more then ever around the LV not just Emmaus.  Veona is so beautiful and ever so smart and life is good but very busy.  I have some of the best friends ever who have always been there for me and even more so now.  The 5 of them I am very close with I have known since 1st.6th. and 9th grade!!!My sister and I are VERY close and the family is still doing fairly well considering.  It was hard for me at first being home wanting to see friends and acquaintances but they wanted "the old Janelle" and were a little confused as to what my life really is.  So I dropped them and thought this is who I am now take it or leave it.  The true ones stuck around and boy am I fortunate they are the best.  I am also involved in helping the community with donating some of my  hair items to the Cancer patients in the Lehigh Valley HN pediatric unit where my sister works.  I also am working the breast cancer walk and may be a member of the board.  I want to give back because when I moved home I got so much help from my family and loved ones and couciling that I want to do all I can to help others while I can before I am a funeral director and am too busy.  Well I think that is about it for now and well uhh there you have it.

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